The Secret of the Mysterious Bread Tags Revealed!

Today I will reveal to you the secret and ancient key to fresh bread.  You know when you are standing in the bread isle squeezing all those loves of bread?  You want only the softest, squishiest Wonder-bread for your PB&J.  Or perhaps you are seeking whole grain nirvana for your toast.  What you are really looking for is FRESH.

They try to fool you into buying the old stuff first.  Sometimes they even try the ol “double shuffle” putting the old stuff in the back, (except if you shop Walmart  where they do it that way because they are just lazy).  Well just like loan sharks need to keep good books, the bakers and the delivery men need to know the difference between old and new bread so they devised this color code system.

What happend to Wednesday and Sunday?  Well in ancient times when most things were made locally, Wednesday and Sunday were the traditional days off for the grocery trade.  In-store bakeries were usually shut down.

Next question – “this information is terribly enlightening and will change my life, but how do I remember the secret and tricky color code?”  The great king Solomon said “cut the baby in half”.  He was great and wise but knew nothing about colored bread tags.  If you look very carefully and remember that song they taught you in Kindergarten (A, B, C, D, EF, G . . .) you will notice the colors are in alphabetical order.  Voila!  There you have it!

Now, you can’t tell anyone this secret.  If they find out we know, they will change things up on us.  You will need to use diversionary tactics while shopping.  For example; pick up two loaves of bread one in each hand, secretly notices the color of the tags.  Hold one loaf to your forehead and rub it back and forth while singing the song that will tell you whether your right hand or left hand holds the prize.  It’s a long song so around the time you reach LMNOP switch hands and rub the other loaf across your brow.  Put the discarded loaf on the shelf and bow, drop the good stuff in your cart.  This should keep most onlookers off balance.

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